What Is Your Team Afraid to Tell You? | A Bit of Optimism: Feelings at Work | PART 3

Giving and receiving feedback is one of the hardest things we do at work and most of us just... avoid it. But avoiding feedback has a cost. Everything you need to grow is already in the room and it's just sitting in your blind spot. Your colleagues can see it. Your boss can see it. And nobody will tell you, unless you learn to ask. Feelings at Work is a special five-part series from A Bit of Optimism, where Simon Sinek and Alex Simon, founder of LifeShop, explore the human skills that shape how we work, lead, and build relationships. Together, they unpack the emotional challenges most of us face every day—from people pleasing and listening to giving feedback, taking accountability, and having difficult conversations.  In this episode, Alex and Simon take on feedback: how to give it, how to take it, and how to ask for it.  You’ll discover ways to give feedback people can actually hear, receive criticism without taking it personally, and build a feedback culture on any team. Alex and Simon share practical techniques like the one-word ritual Simon borrowed from the Air Force that made his whole company crave critiques, the “FBI” method for delivering hard feedback without blowing up relationships, and questions Alex asks her team to surface everything left unsaid, like "What are you afraid to tell me?" In this episode you'll learn: ➡️ Why we avoid giving feedback + what that avoidance quietly costs our teams  ➡️ "Spears": the Air Force ritual that turns criticism into something people actually want  ➡️ The “FBI” (Feelings, Behavior, Impact) method for giving feedback people can actually hear  ➡️ The Army Rangers' peer assessment’s "foxhole question" + what it reveals about character  ➡️ How to think of feedback as preventative care and build that muscle ➡️ Why everyone receives feedback differently (+ how to give people what they need) ➡️ When to give feedback (hint: never the moment you think of it)  ➡️ The four-word habit that builds a thick skin: "What can I do better?" Whether you're leading a team, managing up, or just tired of side-texting about a problem no one will name out loud, feedback is one of the most valuable skills you can build.  And remember: feedback is kind, even when it’s not nice. This... is A Bit of Optimism. Chapters 00:00:00 The Spinach in Your Teeth Problem: Why Nobody Tells You 00:03:48 The Story of Two Failed Feedback Sessions 00:06:37 Why Feedback Obsession Changes Everything 00:08:05 The Company That Was Too Nice to Give Feedback 00:10:35 Army Rangers and the Three-Level Evaluation System 00:14:24 Why Giving Feedback Feels So Hard 00:17:16 Spears: The Air Force Technique That Changed Everything 00:20:08 All the Information You Need Is in Your Blind Spot 00:22:28 FBI: The Three-Part Formula for Feedback That Lands 00:25:37 Why Vague Praise Doesn't Help Anyone 00:27:16 Credit Is Free: Recognition Languages at Work 00:31:05 The Collaboration Meeting: Preventing Problems Before They Start 00:42:34 The Air Force Commander Who Cried Every Night for Six Months 00:45:08 When to Give Feedback: Not When You Think of It 00:47:24 The Virtuous Cycle: What Happens When You Get Feedback Right 00:49:08 How to Build the Muscle of Receiving Feedback 00:51:43 Generational Difference For Feedback 00:52:57 One Simple Question: What Can I Do Better? 00:55:49 Feedback Is Kind Even When It's Not Nice Website: http://simonsinek.com/ Leaderful: https://simonsinek.com/leaderful Podcast: http://apple.co/simonsinek Instagram: https://instagram.com/simonsinek/ Linkedin: https://linkedin.com/in/simonsinek/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/simonsinek Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/simonsinek About Alex Simon Alex Simon is the founder of Lifeshop, a school for adult emotional education and teaches emotional intelligence at Yale University. She teaches the emotional and communication skills we all should've learned in school—but didn't. She facilitates experiential workshops on how to have hard conversations, stop people pleasing, listen better, navigate major life transitions, and build healthier relationships. Her sessions are practical, deeply connective, and somehow shockingly fun. When she was 27, Alex created The Self & Other: In Theory and Practice, one of Yale's most sought-after courses. In 2025, she founded Lifeshop in New York to bring emotional education beyond the classroom and into everyday life. She also launched The School of Life in New York and leads workshops for organizations around the world. Before dedicating her career to emotional education, Alex worked as a management consultant at Bain and held strategy and operations roles across industries. She has also lived and trained at Plum Village and Esalen and completed dozens of programs in mindfulness, communication, and personal development.